Future and Dreams of a Straight Crossdresser

I confessed that I no longer have desire to crossdress in my previous blog entry. I also mentioned the reason. The changes in body from boyish features to masculine features, the stress around work and personal life, and depression.

In a state like the one I described above, how can a straight crossdresser make future predictions and have dreams? I am strictly talking about future predictions and dreams that involve and are related to crossdressing element.

Even though, I haven’t had crossdressed for almost two years now, I have been frequently checking crossdressing videos, images and blogs. In these visits to such websites, I have no intention to be one of the crossdressers. Rather I go back to these websites trying to understand why these men are still into crossdressing. My mind is filled with questions like why they want to put on feminine act and pretend to be a woman. I know I have been there. However, I didn’t know the reason myself. So I wonder if these men are as clueless as I was.

I question my past actions. I remember I had spent some good money when I was in college on makeup, wig, heels and dresses. What was so tempting about these things? Why did I do that?

As I am bombarded by these questions, my sight falls on my own body. It is really getting masculine. I’m not scared now like I used to. I guess there is an acceptance in my mind and heart. It’s hairy. It is not in ideal shape. Bad eating and sleeping habits has ruined my body. I don’t look my age. I look older and big. Then for a moment, I wonder what if I had a lean body that was ideal when I am dressed as a man as well as a woman. Another thought follows – what if my career was going well, if my family problems were less complicated, if my social life was active, if I earned enough, if I was in love with a woman and not so lonely, and if I had a normal life with little to worry about.

If the life described above becomes a reality, and in absence of depression, would I resume crossdressing?

My heart says, “Yes.”

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4 Comments

  1. Life does sometimes get in the way of me being able to crossdress as well, and my body is not as it once was. I continue to want to crossdress even though I haven’t really been able to for some time as well. Some day I will, so in the mean time I keep looking at the latest fashions to keep up on what’s current. I try to exercise to keep my body in better shape (and I realize that I’ll never be the ideal shape, but then again most women my age don’t have the body of their 20-year old selves either).

  2. I’m so impressed by your candour and unfiltered posts. I’m a straight guy who’s crossdressed from quite an early age – I’m clear now that it’s generally about me trying to access and ‘own’ as many of the feminine characteristics that I love and lust after in women, and when I dress it’s never demure and always a turn on.

    I’m lucky enough to have a wife who gets it, and encourages it when we’re mucking about but I often still feel weird the next day and confused and embarrassed by my desires.

    My advice – don’t let it define you, and don’t feel the need to -have- to find someone who gets it / you’ll always be that way, but you’ll find ways of expressing it regardless of your situation.

    Above all, don’t feel alienated by it, focus on the rest of you, and enjoy yourself. You’re normal, really.

    • Thank you, Dan. I try to be honest. I know what you mean when you said “its always a turn on”. A lot of straight crossdressers who have commented on my blog seem to have found a wife. I am the only lonely type. ๐Ÿ˜€

      I appreciate your advice and I have been trying to live by it. It is true. I can’t change. I only have to accept and enjoy being who I am.

      Have a nice weekend, Dan. Hopefully, unlike me, you find time and space to dress up like a woman. Enjoy! ๐Ÿ™‚

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